Name It to Tame It: Using Third‑Person Self‑Talk to Build Self‑Compassion
Mark Pirtle
Hey friends,
I need to admit something. I talk to myself—a lot. Not in a muttering‑under‑my‑breath way, but in a deliberate, third‑person way. Psychologists call it Illeism. I've called it Name It to Tame It (NITTI) for years, and I leaned on it hard right after my divorce.
Back then, the inner dialogue was brutal. The only way to unhook myself was to say aloud, "Mark, you're angry and scared. Let's breathe." Hearing my voice gave me a little space.
Why Third‑Person Self‑Talk Works
- Distance without denial — Saying my name lets me acknowledge the feeling instead of fixating on it.
- Shadow work is made simple. The moment I name the feeling—anger, shame, or envy—it surfaces. Now it can be met, not buried.
- Built‑in compassion — I speak to myself like I would talk to clients: clear, direct, and kind.
How to Try It
Catch a strong emotion. Say your name, state the feeling, and add one caring suggestion: "Jen, you're anxious about the presentation. Let's review the first slide and breathe." Notice the shift. Repeat as needed.
I wish you all skillful and compassionate conversations with yourselves,
Mark
