Why saying your own name helps
Photo: Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
If you've been reading these for a while, you know the practice I come back to most: when you get triggered, say your own name out loud and have a short conversation with yourself about what's going on. I call it NITTI, Name It to Tame It.
Some people tell me it feels a little silly at first. I understand. So I want to share some research that may help it feel less silly.
In 2014, psychologist Ethan Kross and his colleagues at the University of Michigan published seven studies, with 585 people in total, on how we talk to ourselves under stress. Some people were asked to think through a stressful moment using "I" and "me." Others were asked to use their own name, or "you."
The difference was small, just a word or two. The results weren't. In a task about making a good first impression and another about giving a speech, the people who used their name showed less distress. Outside raters, who didn't know which group was which, judged their speeches as better. They also spent less time going over the speech in their heads afterward, and they tended to see the next stressful thing as a challenge rather than a threat.
These were lab studies, mostly with college students, so they don't prove it works the same way for everyone. Still, it fits what I've seen for almost 30 years. When we say our own name, we step back a little from the feeling. It's like a good friend putting a hand on your shoulder.
That step back matters, because the patterns we fall into under pressure, how we react, relate, and retreat, move fast. A little space around the emotion is often all it takes for the next choice to be a better one.
Something to try this week: the next time something may trigger you, maybe a tone of voice or someone saying no, say your name out loud (quietly is fine) and ask yourself, "[Your name], what's going on right now?" Answer in a sentence or two, the way you would talk to a friend. It takes less than a minute.
If you'd like to look at a moment like that a little more closely, I built a free app called Why Did I React That Way? You describe what happened, and it helps you see the pattern underneath. It's at whydidireactthatway.com.
Thank you for being part of this community.
Wishing you abundant health, happiness, and prosperity,
Mark