Skillful Awareness in Times of Loss
Skillful Awareness in Times of Loss
Hello friends,
Thank you all so much for the outpouring of support I received after posting last week’s newsletter on Ramses’ passing. Grief hit me in waves this week. The house feels emptier, and I’m still easily triggered; finding an unfinished can of his food in the fridge hurt.
Losses Blending
The loss doesn’t exist in isolation, either. My daughter is with her mom this week. Losing Ramses reactivated feelings of loneliness—losing my family to divorce four years ago. My mind knows these are separate events, but my body doesn’t. The losses blended and amplified, and I found myself riding waves of grief and nostalgia—heavy sigh.
How Our Nervous System Processes Loss
The Polyvagal Theory explains how loss throws us between different emotional states. One moment, my heart ached wide open; the next, I felt closed off and numb. All week, I experienced waves of grief, emptiness, and the impulse to reach out for connection. All are normal reactions to grief.
Shadow Work: The Layers Beneath Our Grief
All the while, I watched and processed.
- Are there deeper issues that this loss is triggering?
- Am I just grieving Ramses or older losses, too?
- What well-worn stories is Ramses’ loss activating in me?
For me, losing Ramses stirred up echoes of past grief, but self-awareness allowed me to hold space for myself rather than spiral down.
Let it Come, Let it be, Let it Go
Grief will come. Loss is inevitable. But through skillful awareness, we can feel pain without making it worse. Four years ago, this loss may have sent me spiraling. But now, my practice has cultivated the capacity to grieve while staying present. I can acknowledge and feel its weight and move on. That is what Skillful Awareness offers—it doesn’t deny suffering but doesn’t magnify it either. It teaches us to sit with what is, to feel fully, and let go gracefully.
An Invitation to Heal
If a recent or past loss weighs on you, I encourage you to process it skillfully. What is your nervous system telling you? What old wounds might still need attention? If words help, start journaling about it. Give yourself the space to feel, reflect, and heal.
If you’re struggling, reach out. I’d love to help you explore ways to navigate loss and find strength through awareness.
I wish you peace and, if needed, the courage to press on!
Mark
Answer the Call
Grief touches all of us, and how we navigate it can shape our emotional well-being for years to come. If loss—recent or past—is weighing on you, take a moment to reflect: What is your nervous system telling you? What old wounds might still need attention? Writing, mindfulness, and self-inquiry can be powerful tools for healing.
If you’re struggling, reach out. I’d love to help you explore ways to process loss, integrate emotions, and move forward with awareness and strength.
Questions for Reflection
How does the Polyvagal Theory help us understand grief?
The Polyvagal Theory explains how our nervous system reacts to loss. When we lose someone or something important, we shift between states of connection (ventral vagal), shutdown (dorsal vagal), and fight-or-flight (sympathetic). Understanding these shifts helps us process emotions without getting stuck in despair or numbness.
What role does Shadow Work play in grieving?
Shadow Work helps uncover the deeper layers of grief—whether it’s old wounds resurfacing or unconscious stories we tell ourselves about loss. By bringing awareness to these hidden aspects, we can process grief with clarity rather than being consumed by past emotions.
How can I practice Skillful Awareness when facing loss?
Skillful Awareness means allowing grief without resistance, experiencing emotions fully without amplifying them. Practices like mindfulness, journaling, and self-inquiry help us stay present, feel our pain, and ultimately, let go with compassion.
